The truth is ‘out there’ – we have no rural communications problem, farmers are to blame for poor internet access because they haven’t been weeding under their electric fences.

In the future rather than driving around on tractors farmers may have to shift sheep between paddocks and feed out hay using ruggedised ride-on lawnmowers.

A special working group of Federated Farmers, fence manufacturers and of course Telecom is developing guidelines and an 18-month education campaign. We’re told bad design and long grass can cause current from 12 volt fences to leak into the ground creating spikes that can travel up to a kilometre along phone lines cutting data transfer by up to 50 per cent.

The only spike that brings to mind is one called Milligan. This goonish distraction blames farmers and electric fence manufacturers for Telecom’s failure to properly maintain and update its rural network with shielded cable and insulators.

Telecom customers are more likely to be isolated by noise on ancient, corroded lines, physical distance from exchanges, or the fact that, God-forbid, several farmers on the same road might want to check their email at the same time.

Fortunately there are much more practical, innovative and forward-looking solutions on the horizon to drag provincial New Zealand from the world of the crank-handle phone into the modern age of high-speed two-way communications.

Communications minister Paul Swain’s long awaited ‘broadband for everyone’ vision is finally taking shape, even if he’s simply tapping into existing resources and waking up communities to their do-it-yourself heritage.

He promises equitable broadband access across the nation within two years. TVNZ-owned distribution arm Broadcast Communications (BCL) is to provide wireless interconnection to all carriers to help bridge the digital divide. Its technology will be upgraded and new broadcast towers added to ensure maximum coverage.

Mr Swain is also to inform government agencies to pool their communications budgets in conjunction with local industry to force a better deal from the nation’s carriers. The Government is investing $300,000 so Northland, Southland, Taranaki, Wairarapa, South Waikato and East Cape can assess their needs and start bargaining. The business case and bundling details will be posted on the web to empower other regions in their quest for better bandwidth.

New radio frequencies will also be auctioned with up to 20 per cent designated for needy areas. Communities able to attract and supply better coverage may be eligible for Kiwi Share rebates.

The solution may be a mix ‘n match of copper, fibre, satellite and wireless ensuring speeds of at least 128kbit/sec. It’s a user pays affair but at least it gets beyond the 9600kbit involuntary speed limit, likely to remain common until Telecom is forced to upgrade its network within a year of the Telecommunications Bill passing into law.

Not long ago Telecom was talking about exiting ‘loss making’ rural areas but it’s now decided to stay in the game, because it finally potential in ‘them thar hills’. It knows competition is emerging but until then continues to play the game like it owns the field.

There are options it says, to boost coverage to 150,000 disadvantaged rural customers - including 66,000 farmers and 10,000 businesses - but not without a commercial return. Copper-enhancing digital subscriber line (DSL), satellite, its new generation cellular network and wireless could do the job but Telecom claims it costs between 5-40 times more to reach remote customers than city-folk. A guarantee of 50 DSL users within 6km of an exchange is the benchmark for an upgrade. Critics suggest the service is already over-priced and dropping tariffs by a third it could double the take-up.

Meanwhile communities fed up with being ignored by carriers are exercising their collective might. The Otago Community Trust is underwriting upgrades at Telecom exchanges - for every 320 customers signed up Telecom pays back a portion of the cost. The Tuatapere school in Canterbury couldn’t get decent bandwidth to Christchurch so the community built a third tower.

Now mega-dairy conglomerate Fonterra is talking with telcos and the rural community about poor internet access with a view to maximising its own resources and possibly offering nationwide bandwidth.

As always competition equals motivation, and while Mr Swain’s scheme to get us all within reach of broadband by 2003 is admirable he’s still up against the free market where nothing’s for free.

And while government agencies may help the move to critical mass he needs to remember government agencies have been retreating to larger towns and cities for some years. The local dole office, hospitals, post office and police station are no longer a given in small towns and the library can’t afford subscriptions to basic magazines let alone high-speed internet. That leaves schools and the agricultural industry at the hub of the rural information society.

Breaking existing commercial contracts with Telecom and Clear to pool resources may also prove difficult. Perhaps government should subsidise heavy-duty lawnmowers until the demand for broadband becomes so deafening communities hire their own satellite uplinks? It’s time to get off the grass.